Lately there have been multiple opportunities to speak in correctional facilities all around Slovakia. A couple of weeks ago we went to a large town in central Slovakia called Banska Bystrica, which means something like ‘miners stream.’ It’s a mountainous area and has a long history of mining. The pictures you will see in this post are from the town and the surrounding area. As usual, there’s no way to get pictures of the prison itself. Sorry about the small photos-technical difficulties:(

There are 2 prisons in this town, one of which is more of a detention prison for the newly arrested or those awaiting trial. And the second is a minimum security facility. Our visit to the detention unit was quite interesting. Allow me to share some of that story with you. We had been to this facility 2 years ago but for some unknown reason we were not given permission to return until now. Getting permission to enter one of these facilities is no easy task. Often times, it seems to me, it comes down to something as simple as contacting the administration at a moment when they are in the right mood. The prison administrators are frequently canceling our dates and changing the times so that we have to be quite patient and flexible. Contrary to feeling welcome in these prisons we are often made to feel as if we are a burden and an inconvenience. Sometimes I get the impression that we are only allowed into these facilities because they want to at least give the appearance to the greater society that they treating the inmates with some kind of civility.

With all that in mind we were shocked by our reception at this facility. Not only were the guards and administrators cordial, they were downright friendly. They seemed to be glad that we were there. We were escorted into the facility by what appeared to be the head of the prison guards. He was smiling and welcoming us in a friendly manner. I must admit I felt a bit nervous, even suspicious. Why was he escorting us in? And why was he acting so strangely or at least what we had come to experience as out of character? Well, there was not much to do except smile back and profusely thank him for allowing us to come in. The man led us up some stairs and into a room which had been converted from a prison cell into some sort of arts and crafts room. Arts and crafts in a Slovak prison? What’s going on here? When we entered into the room there were several people assembled awaiting our arrival. Again, to our surprise, the director of the entire facility was on hand as well as the guard leadership team. They offered us tea or coffee and clearly wanted to have some sort of conversation as they invited us to sit down.

In a polite and friendly manner they asked us to share a bit about whom we are and what our purpose or goal is as we travel from prison to prison. They also asked if I would share with them something about the presentation I had planned for our visit. After I gave them a brief summary they began sharing with us some information regarding their program goals and what they hope to accomplish while a prisoner is within their ranks. I was amazed at what they said. It was clear from their comments that they understand something about what it means to help a man improve his life when he is incarcerated and what his special needs are. For example: the need for compassion, counseling, occupational training (one option here is shoe repair) as well as spiritual formation and development.
After a pleasant 15 minute conversation we were escorted down the hall and given a tour of a basic cell room. The guards knocked on the open door and asked the inmates in the cell if we could enter. The room is better described as a dorm room with bunk beds. As we entered, the guys in the room stood at attention as if it was the military and we were high ranking officers. They didn’t move for the 30 seconds we were there and tried to refrain from looking directly at us. Everything in the room was in very good order, clean and neat, despite the building itself being old and antiquated. Next we were shown a room where there was a kitchenette and a television. Inmates who had enough privilege points could use this facility to heat up some soup and watch a program on TV.

Finally it was time to make our presentation. We were escorted to the room where we would meet with a group of inmates. Upon entering the room we found that the men, all dressed in blue, had already been assembled. The room was completely silent as we entered and everyone looked up at us when we came through the door. There were about 17 men seated in the room. We said hello as we came in and immediately they smiled and returned the greeting, deflating some of the nervousness in the room.
What follows is a brief synopsis of my comments that day, not only in this facility, but in 4 different facilities during the month of November.
The title of my presentation was “The Prison Within,” with the subtitle being ‘refusing to forgive.’ I usually start my comments with a brief introduction of myself as I have learned that it’s especially interesting (even a novelty) for these men to have someone from another country come to speak. I tell them something of my homeland and also my personal life which is also very unusual for them because public speakers here, in any forum, are usually quite formal in their approach.

Before I launch into my topic, I like to tell them that I am glad to be with them in that moment. I started making this statement when we go to prisons because I have found that the inmates I encounter here have a difficult time understanding why I would want to come and speak with them. They can’t seem to fathom why, with all the things I could be doing, I would want to come into a prison and speak to a group of inmates. I go on to say that I recognize that they also had a choice on that day. It was not compulsory that they attend this presentation and yet they decided to come. I acknowledge to them that I cannot know the real reason they decided to attend but I tell them that I have to believe at least some of them are there because they are hungry for something new in their life. I tell them that I admire and respect them because they are open to personal change and seeking something better for themselves.
Hopefully, at this point, they are feeling comfortable and ready to focus on the main topic for the day. Here then is a summary of the core message: relationships are the best thing about being alive, most everything else we do in life are activities which we must do, but spending quality time with people who reciprocate a mutual love with us is the best of what life has to offer. The reality is we were created and designed for relationship above anything else and our primary hope in these relationships is that we will be loved, understood and accepted so that ultimately we feel a sense of belonging. The most important relationship, the one we were actually created for is the one we have with Abba Father.

However relationships get broken and damaged due to the self centered nature of human beings. These fractured relationships can lead to intense anger, shame, bitterness and resentment, all of which culminate in the formation of an internal prison if healing for these damaged emotions cannot be realized. Maybe the most powerful and influential of all our earthly relationships is with our fathers. There is something more destructive about a father wound compared to the wounds we receive in other relationships. God has made a way for us to have inner healing for ourselves and in our damaged relationships. The primary factor in this healing process is forgiveness. During the course of explaining the main points I’m attempting to use various true life stories, metaphors and analogies to increase the listen-ability of the message.

The statistics show that the majority of prisoners (quite high) had an unhealthy, dysfunctional relationship with their fathers. Many of the men who struggle with identity issues (including sexual identity), anger, alcoholism, workaholism and pornography were abused in some fashion by their fathers. I give the men a general idea of what I mean when I say ‘abuse,’ which includes neglect and abandonment. It’s a powerful moment for many men, especially the ones who never considered the harsh, even brutal, treatment they received from their fathers as abuse. Having resentment and bitterness in your heart as a result of choosing not to forgive becomes a very dark and painful place, much like a prison cell. During this portion of the message there are always a few tears in the room.

At this point I asked the guys how many of them are fathers-about 70% raise their hand. Now I spend a few minutes talking about what a proper father should look like. Having received our identity from Abba Father, it is the role of a father to shape us and mold into to that God given identity. In addition, he is to provide stability/security in the family, a safe place to learn and grow and finally to instill in his children a sense of value and worth. Children need affectionate touch from their fathers, a confirmation of his love for them, a nurturing of their gifts/talents and quality time spent with him. Without these crucial elements many children grow up believing that they are not lovable and without value which typically leads to a host of psychological issues. What did you receive from your father and how does it influence who you are and how you live your life? I end this section by reassuring them that despite their separation from their children, they still have an opportunity to be a positive influence in their lives.

For those of you who were wounded by your father, if you have yet to forgive him, chances are you’re carrying around some really toxic emotional waste inside. This is the hazardous material which leads to the prison within, including depression and hopelessness. What is real forgiveness? The decision to release someone from a debt. The lies which come attached to this truth are: forgiving someone is the same thing as telling them that what they did to you is ok; refusing to forgive them will teach them a lesson; getting revenge will heal the pain that they caused me. Forgiveness is for your sake, not the offender. Forgiveness is our only hope to experience freedom and healing from the hurt that others caused. Unforgiveness is like drinking a cup of poison hoping the offender will die. Lastly I go through some specific steps about how the men can use this information for their benefit, including; acknowledging the wounds you received from your father (or whomever), allowing yourself to grieve your woundedness and those broken relationships, write down all the ways your father (or whomever) hurt you AND how it made you feel, pray through each of the hurts on your list telling Abba father that you forgive your offender for these wounds and finally ask that he or she be blessed. The last step is to write a letter to this person telling him/her that you have forgiven them.

The presentation ends with a concise, passionate explanation of the gospel and an invitation to accept the free gift of Gods amazing grace. I tell them that this Father is different from our earthly fathers and that we have no reason to forgive God for anything as it is impossible for Him to hurt or offend us. This Father loves unconditionally and relentlessly. On the other hand, we have every reason to ask Him for forgiveness because we have rejected him and His offer to rescue us from sin and death. We have rejected God’s love and mercy and decided to attempt to be our own god. Lastly, I lead the men through a moment of prayer. I explain to them that this could be a life changing moment for them as eternity is hanging in the balance. I make sure they understand that this is the most important decision they will make in their lives. The moment was powerful and hopefully many of them have been forever set free from the prison within.