As I mentioned earlier in the blog, it is becoming apparent to me that, for several months, I had been wandering away from the presence of God. In a very subtle fashion I had ended up drifting back toward a place within myself where I was attempting to 'lean on my own understanding.' In a very real sense I was listening to my own inner voice about everything from how I should focus my time and energies, to who I am as a person. Most of us have been there and know it’s not a good place to be. It seems to me that it’s a path that inevitably leads to confusion, darkness and eventually ruin. In my case it has lead me to some painful and difficult realities. Have you ever noticed that when you are not in a position to hear God’s voice, there are many other voices ready to speak up. No, I am not schizophrenic. These are the inner voices we all have but are not always conscious of. The “other” voices say things like “prove you are lovable, prove you are worth something, prove you are capable.” Or “God is done forgiving you for the same old things.” Listening to these voices erodes and deteriorates a person’s true sense of themselves, along with the gifts and talents they have to offer. It also starts a process whereby we must constantly go in search of some other way to feel loved, acceptable and competent. Once that process begins, who knows where it will lead. It could lead to a casino, the dirty side of the internet, the refrigerator, a bottle, a driveness to succeed or a series of unhealthy relationships.